iwasherefirst | [01] We've been forever yet we've only just begun

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[01] We've been forever yet we've only just begun

They've already got the technology. They just haven't figured out how to track him yet. It takes Rose months and more jumps than she cares to count. Sometimes she thinks she's going to be pulled apart at the seams with all the jumping back and forth through time. They warn her that the odds are against her. They tell her she's only got this one planet to work with and he's got an entire Universe plus timelines they can't ever access. She tells them she'll take her chances.

When she ends up in San Francisco 1999, the equipment malfunctions. The jacket won't work and she's so frustrated, so tired so bereft that she almost cries right there in the middle of the wharf. Instead she pulls it together like he would and finds a place to sleep for a little while. Once she's had some rest it's time for fish and chips. They're almost as good as home and they go a long way toward making her feel better.

Right then. Might as well do some research while she's here. See if she can find out if he's been here recently. If he's scheduled to show up anytime soon. Library then a call into UNIT. Despite having a plan, she doesn't act on it. She'll wander a bit more, navigate her way through the people on the wharf and enjoy the day. She's never been to San Francisco in any time.

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He's much worse off than she ever imagined. It makes her brow furrow and she steps closer to him, tentatively reaching out to lay a hand on his chest.

"I didn't come looking for what you could give me, Doctor. I came looking for you. Just you."

He looks down at where her hand touches his chest. He doesn't know touch anymore. He doesn't know connection.

"I don't even have that, Rose."

"Then I'll help you find it," she promises him. She leaves her hand where it's at. "I don't want to go back, Doctor. Mum knows to look after him. He'll check in with her."

She doesn't mention that she doesn't know right now if she can go back. It's a bit mucked up right now and the one man who might be able to fix it is standing in front of her.

"You can't stay with me," he says.

He doesn't have anything. No TARDIS, no future. Just staying in San Francisco and working on setting up some sort of paradox machine in order to stop what inevitable.

But he can't run from her. He'll see her for the day, then she'll leave. Everyone leaves, even the TARDIS.

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?"

She starts to argue, words almost spilling out when he mentions food. The argument turns to a smile and she nods. She's not hungry. She just ate a bit ago but she nods anyway.

"Yeah. I could eat some chips." And she holds her hand out to him. He's held his out to her so many times, asking for her trust, asking her to go with him. Now she supposes she's asking a little bit of the same.

He doesn't take her hand. There's too much contact there, too much of what he doesn't quite remember of his life before all of this. He nods and leads the way to the chip shop where he's been eating lately.

"How long has it been for you?" he asks. "Since Bad Wolf Bay?"

She lets her hand fall to her side trying not to be too hurt by the snub. She shoves her hands back in her pockets and follows.

"Eight months," she answers. She pauses, gnawing on her bottom lip a second. "For you?"

"Longer."

He's not sure anymore. So much time was lost just running through the TARDIS, trying to stop the decay, stop her death. So much time. He thinks months, but centuries might be more apt.

"I've been in San Francisco about four months."

She nods, imagination spinning out to imagine the centuries he doesn't mention. Her eyes widen and panic butterflies in her stomach when he tells her how long he's been here. There are very few reasons he'd turn domestic. When she speaks she tries not to let any panic seep into her voice.

"Are you--that's about the time he left." She doesn't want to imagine, doesn't want to say the words because of what she's afraid they mean but she has to. "The TARDIS is--" and she doesn't finish the sentence, letting him fill in the blank with whatever he will.

"Here we go," he says, holding open the chip shop door for her. "Been a favorite place of mine. Don't think they care much for me. Well, they did, once I learned about washing my clothes."

The way he ignores her question speaks volumes. She may not know what happened to the TARDIS but she knows something did. And he survived. It's a relief that makes the panic die down. He's broken and not right but he's alive.

"Oi, you found the laundromat then?" she says as she steps through the door with a smile that's a little more forced than usual. She wants to hug him and hold him and let him know he's not alone anymore. Instead she keeps her hands firmly tucked in her pockets and the smile fixed on her face.

"Laundromat?" the Doctor asks, looking genuinely confused. "I found the sink in the hotel room."

She laughs, stopping herself just short of reaching out to tug playfully on the lapel of his jacket. "I'll have to show you the laundromat. S'got washing machines and everything."

"Well, I do need to buy a new suit today. This one's gone a bit threadbarren. Was thinking about finding it in blue again. Rather liked the blue."

He slips into a booth and gestures for her to sit across from him.

"The blue looked good on you," she agrees. "I could come with. Help you pick it out," she offers as she sits down across from him.

"Might not be bad," he agrees.

When the waitress arrives, she gives the Doctor an irritated look. The staff must still not like him for blowing up part of the kitchen when he tried to work here.

"Fish supper?" he asks Rose.

She catches the look the waitress gives the Doctor and wonders what he's done. Or maybe the waitress is just having a bad day.

"Yeah. Sounds brilliant," she nods. Her hands go to the top of the table. She knits her fingers together then loosens them then picks up a sugar packet to play with then puts it down.

"Can you pay this time?" the waitress asks, irritable.

"Yep," the Doctor says.

"Sorry, love, I have to see it."

The Doctor sighs, then reaches into his pocket and produces a number of crumpled-up bills. Satisfied, the woman heads back to put in their order.

"Maybe green. Do you think a green suit would look good?" he asks.

Oh. Well that would explain the irritation. She bites the inside of her cheek against smiling at the situation.

"Maybe with a blue penstripe running through it," she suggests. "No red trainers. You'll look a bit like Father Christmas."

"You think?" he asks. "Bit off from Christmas, though, isn't it? I've got a few more months until I have to worry about that."

The hotel'll be busy, he thinks. Ugh.

That makes Rose smile and she shakes her head. "Just meant you'd look like him. With the red and green together. Sort of colors used to decorate for Christmas."

They can always walk around a bit until then.

"Well, yes, I suppose."

He looks over his shoulder at the wharf. It's a beautiful day outside, but he can't really see that. The world looks gray.

"I think I've lose my sense of humor."

She hesitates, warring with herself against what she needs to do and what she thinks she should do. Finally she gets up and slides into the booth with him. She's not close enough to press her shoulder against his or her hip against his leg. She won't crowd him that much. Not yet.

"Good thing I showed up then."

He turns to look at her. She's Rose, he can tell. She's exactly how he remembers her, every detail. She even smells like Rose, even over the smell of this chip shop.

He reaches out, brushing her cheekbone with his forefinger. "I thought I might've been imagining you."

She bites her bottom lip and smiles just a bit. She reaches up and very carefully slips her hand up underneath his trying not to break his contact with her.

"Nope. I'm here. You should have known that I'd find you. No matter what. I'll always find you, Doctor."

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