iwasherefirst | 010 [Accidental Video]

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010 [Accidental Video]

[The video blips on, focusing on Rose lying tangled in the blankets and sheets on her bed. There are tears trickling down her cheeks. The device is obviously sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. She squirms and twists a bit, further entangling herself.]

Regenerate.

[It's said in a voice that's half demand, half plea. The tears come a bit faster now and she mumbles a good deal more in her sleep but most of it is undecipherable. After several seconds of this her tears turn to outright sobs and she sits up abruptly with a sound that is more scream than words but if one had to turn it into a word it would be:]

Noooooooooooooo.

[ooc: Rose has the Doctor's

am_i_being_rude memory of this]

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[The Doctor barges into her room without really thinking about it, having heard her on multiple levels from the other room. He's almost entirely forgotten the vision he saw himself in his hurry to come make sure she's not being eaten by anything untoward or something. Room checked and cleared, he quickly moves over to the bed and kneels next to it, looking up at her, hands sort of hovering around shoulders, then arms, then thighs, then just around her, not really sure where to put them but wanting to offer comfort somehow.]

Rose! Rose, it's all right, I'm here!

[The Doctor may have doubts about what to do but she doesn't. The moment she realizes he's there, she throws her arms around him, squeezing tightly and burying her face against his shoulder.]

You were hurting so much.

[He's a little thrown back by the force of the hug, mostly physically since he was kneeling and she just lunged at him from the top of the bed. But he balances, and hugs her back just as tight. Bits of his own vision are starting to come back as well.]

...What? Rose, I'm not in any pain.

[If she knew he'd had his own vision (memory of hers) she'd be a bit more distant right now, almost ashamed but defiant at the same time. Instead she just clings tightly to him but it's not in any sort of desperate way. She's hugging him for his sake, not hers.]

No. You were. After me, I think. Martha was there and he died. I don't know who he was but he died.

[He gradually relaxes from the hug a little so he can look up at her properly, since what she's saying really doesn't make a whole lot of sense and whatever context clues he can find in her expression would be super helpful right about now. He'll probably tell her about his own once he realises this has been a mutual thing somehow, but for the moment he isn't immediately connecting them.]

Martha was where? Who died? [Because those variables sadly don't actually narrow a lot down. Well, they narrow it enough for an inkling. But that would be weird.]

[Her hands go to her hair and rakes them half through it, trying to put what she remembers in order. It's harder than it seems, particularly with all of the Doctor's emotions that came attached to the memory.]

I don't know. He was wearing a suit and he got shot by a woman in red. I think--I think he was another Time Lord...but I remembered it wrong. You're the only Time Lord left.

[Well that's going to make him stiffen for a moment. She just gets a very quiet] What. [at first.]

That was a while ago. It's all fine now.

[She pulls back just enough to look at him, her hands sliding to cup his face a bit.]

Who was he?

[There is honestly no small amount of hesitancy before he replies.] I used to know him.

[And then because he can't not possibly divert the conversation if at all awkward or focused on him, even if it is ridiculously obvious or to the point.] How did you fix the parallel world? The one around Donna.

[She wants to ask more questions and she probably will eventually but right now the amount of pain the Doctor was in in the memory is curtailing the questions. She doesn't want to cause him anymore pain. She sort of mumbles an apology, the sort of 'I'm sorry for your loss' kind of thing. She'll get to her questions eventually. For the moment his diversion works. She gives him a sort of furrowed brow and there's a hint of guilt about her expression when she shakes her head.]

We used the TARDIS as a power source and a navigation, ran the power through a circuit. She was trying to find you, tellin' us sort of the coordinates. Those got put into a computer, the computer told the circuit where to send...when Donna showed up, it used her to find where she needed to go to change her own mind, her decision so that it lead to you. Why?

[He has no doubt that he hasn't dodged the questions forever but this is a good start. Gives him time to work out how he's going to dodge them later.]

I saw it. Just now. Before I came in here. The process, the turn, the choice you gave her.

[She stiffens up a bit, swallowing hard because if he saw her memories the way she saw his. She goes a bit pale and definitely looks ashamed as she pulls away from him, tucking her knees up to her chest. After a moment her jaw sets and she lifts her chin a bit. She's definitely defensive.]

I had to. I knew once I found you, we'd make things better.

[He moves up to sit beside her on the bed now, unwilling to let her put that much distance between them, but giving her the space to close in on herself if she wants. He's turned toward her with one leg tucked underneath him and the other hanging off the side of the bed, resting on the floor.

He watches her carefully for a while before replying again, quietly.] You did. You didn't want to. You didn't want that choice to be made by anyone. You get so angry with me when I do it. [The Donna position, not the forcing the choice position.] Did you know it would work?

[She notices how he moves closer to avoid the distance between him and she appreciates it, even if she isn't showing it right now. There's a tiny crack in her strength as tears fill her eyes.]

Of course I didn't want to. If it didn't work, I wanted to keep the TARDIS as long as I could but it was gonna take everything...and I like Donna. I liked her the moment I met her. [She takes a deep breath, pushing her emotions back underneath her facade.] She deserved to know what the price was.

[There's a long pause because Rose could lie to him. She'd feel guilty about it forever but she could lie to him. She's not the nineteen year old he picked up in London anymore. She doesn't want to lie to him.] No. I hoped it would work. I knew sending her back would use--[She's struggling so hard with being honest with him but she feels a bit like a little kid telling her parents something she knows they're going to be disappointed over despite the fact she knows she'd do it again.] I knew sending Donna back would kill the TARDIS. I'd have enough juice to get back and make sure things were right and then...

[And she pauses again because she's not sure how he'll feel about this.]

I was there when you fought them. I made sure you got out--that Donna got you out. I didn't see you though. I left first because--[And she stops because she thinks it's fairly self explanatory why she left. She couldn't have stayed away if she'd seen him.]

[ooc: MORE headcanon because I think in the scene Donna goes back in it's pretty clear the TARDIS juice is gone, so I'm assuming she went through on Donna's coat tails, told her bad wolf and when Donna died proper the universe that had been created popped away, leaving Rose in Donna's proper universe and things at the time of Turn Left.]

[Janine sees this some time later. She sounds rattled, rather less cool than she likes to appear.]

What was that?

[And he's very keenly aware right now of all those little showing insecurities and facades even amongst all the bravery and strength that isn't fronted at all but actually there almost constantly. There is an opportunity to inject a little help, possibly.] You're one up on me - first time I met Donna I got slapped twice in one day. [Comparatively speaking, they're all on quite good terms now.] She did. Most people do. Deserve that one chance to change their minds. Not a whole heap of fun to deny them the option, even if it is ultimately the better choice.

[It's not condemning. It's not condoning just yet either, but more commiserating than anything else. He understands that series of decisions and their mental ramifications very well, and at some point her having had to do that sort of thing will become another one of them, however much it really didn't have anything to do with him.

He doesn't, however, immediately know what she's talking about there. He's not aware of the entire alternate series of events, so the part where she left before she ran into him out of order makes sense, but not when she didn't do it.] Got out of where?

[ooc: I love your headcanon. So, so much.]

I--one of the Doctor's memories...somehow.

[And then a pause because Janine doesn't sound like herself.]

Are you okay?

Memories, huh. Fine. You just, uh, seemed upset.

[She doesn't say 'not that I care or anything', but consider something similarly defensive and patently untrue to be hovering around. Janine likes to be seen as not caring much about anything.]

[Rose smiles a bit at the idea of Donna slapping him.] What'd you do? [She takes a deep breath and nods, listening to him. At least he's not condemning, she can take the commiserating. She even appreciates it really. She doesn't expect him to condone what she did but she's not seeking his approval. Not on this.

She doesn't think about it, doesn't occur to her that he doesn't know.] Racnoss defeating them.

Yeah. It was...not a good memory. [Her voice and her expression makes that very clear. She's still red eyed and upset looking.]

Doesn't sound like it was.

So are you okay? Gonna be okay?

Nothing! At that point I hadn't done anything! Well, I'd gotten a little excited about what was happening... I probably could have held the enthusiasm back a little bit better. [At some point there will be better conversations about this, but for the moment they seem to be at an easy enough agreement and he doesn't feel the need to push it much. Maybe later.

Oh. That time. He's going to go all quiet for a moment.] Thank you. For that. She did... stop me there.

[Janine's "concern" makes Rose tear up fresh.]

Yeah. I'm gonna have to ask him questions 'bout it when it's a little less raw but...yeah.

[And a grateful smile.]

Thank you.

[She's content with that at the moment. She bites her bottom lip and nods.] I'd hoped she would. If she hadn't...I would have mucked this universe up too.

[Because she would have saved him and she knows it wasn't time for her to show back up yet.]

You knew him when you were a child?

All right then.

Don't mention it.

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010 [Accidental Video]

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SO MUCH HEADCANON ON HOW THIS WORKED

BEAUTIFUL HEADCANON. Also sorry he's a dick.

Thank you! She expects it from him.

Is that a... good thing?

yup! She knows he can be that way about things & loves him anyway (so cheesy)

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double standards for everyone!

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At least he's consistent

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yay?

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Totally yay. She'll have her moments

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